so christmas. yeah it was good. i got a ton of cool stuff. and had a wicked good day. :) 

 today, i went to the movies with sara, fanikos, tess, brian, and hannah. we saw golden compass, and then sweeney todd. both PHUH-nominal. then we came back to my house, and adam came over too. then all of a sudden i got into a really bad mood. like.. really shitty. and i still could not tell you why. it came on within a span of like.. 15 minutes, and i was down in the dumps. i was extremely pissed off, and then when i tried to think about why i was pissed off, i couldnt think of anything. the only thing i knew was that i was pissed off at SOMETHING, but couldnt put my finger on what. Normal? I dont know.

Is it good to feel completely frustrated with everything? It's not that I don't like things, or that I wanna quit anything, or that...

i have to interrupt that thought. omg i'm watching clash of the choirs. its a wicked dumb concept, but the music is amazing. OMG. holy crap that music is PHUH-nominal.

...anyways, not that I want to confront anyone, or anything. its just that everything that happens, every day. like EVERYTHING, seems to get on my nerves. just, i can't seem to just let something go. even the tiniest of things, like my clicker being a bitch. like, i was wicked close to throwing it out my window. i thought i was gonna cry. why is that?

and tomorrow, i have to spend four hours with mr. morochnick. whoopee.

Today was... good. I needed today. Today helped a lot. Without today, we may have had a repeat of last thursday. which, wouldnt have been good. As a result of last thursday, Ms. Smith wants me to meet with some guidance/shrink guy at the school. His name is Dr. Easen. I've never met him and frankly I don't want to. She says that I need to "have someone to talk to to relieve all my stress." Okay. I know I'm stressed. I've expressed that quite often. Maybe even too much. But that doesn't mean that I need my own private guidance counselor. Thats what my friends are for.
Today really helped. I'm really glad the explaining was done for me. I've been trying to do it for.... um.... eight months. And the fact that it is off my chest and I don't have to worry about it anymore is just ... *sigh of relief*
Phew. 
What I said last month about "five real people helping me through". That was a load of bullshit. Everyone is helping. Whether they know the situation or not, whether they know they are helping or not. And now that I'm getting all this help, I just with I could help someone else. But there isnt anyone to help, really. And the people that need help can't get it from me. So, I'm stuck feeling all this love and compassion, and I can't give any of it back.
Phooey.
Brendan, I wish there was something I could do.
Cory, I wish I could play piano.
Jeff, I wish it gets better.
Hannah, I wish you the best.
Sara, Thanks.

Those are my Christmas wishes. 
Well, not all of them. :-)

I'm soooooo excited for tonight!!
It's going to be so much fun. Me and Celie, Brian and Sara, Hannah and Adam, and Maura and Fanikos. This is going to a grand and splendid time!

I was on the verge of meltdown on Thursday. That was NOT a grand and splendid time. I thought I was just going to break down in the middle of my physics test. Thank god for Ms. Smith. We talked in her office for a half hour, and got everything settled. 

THe swim meed and the concert both went well, except when Mr. Morochnick stopped the Nightingale because it didnt sound good. Fucker.

YAY Winter Ball in dos horas!!!

I know nobody on LJ really knows about this, but I'm going to talk about it anyway to make myself feel good.

Yesterday I had a swim meet in Nashua, NH. I had to be there for an "8:00" warmup that ended up being 8:50. It was a pentathalon, which means each swimmer swims a 50 of each stroke and the 100 IM. The swimmer with the most points at the end wins. 20 points first place, 16 points to second place, 14 to third, etc etc etc. Now, I am really out of shape and havent been swimming much lately. But I came in 4th overall with 20-something 15-18 year old guys! I got a medal and everything! And I cut all my times. The one I am most excited about is the 50 freestyle, because that is the only one I can do in a regular meet. I cut my time from a 27.05 to a 25.89! I'm wicked excited!

I have a lot of homework tonight. I have to do a double-sided worksheet on crap that I don't understand in Spanish. Then I have to read chapters 11-15 in Catcher. Then I have to start a Physics lab. Then I have a math test tomorrow. Jezuz. 

Just got the cast list for Christmas Carol today. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT BABY! I love that role. It's so much fun. I'm that with Fanikos and Sal. Awesome! Jeff is my Scrooge, and... yeah. That's about it about that. 

Today, Mr. Morochnick let us out of chamber early (thank god. i hate him so friggin much.) so Noah got this idea. We went downstairs and got a recycling bin from the giant stack in the janitors' hallway. We (me, Noah, Kristine, Dan, Maddie, and Andy) took it up to the top of the hill at Beasley and went sledding in it! It was so much fun!!! My ass is 
still soaking wet. haha.

I can't wait for Christmas!! I still have to get a lot of presents, which costs money :/ But I love giving people presents. It's so much fun!

Thats it. Bye.

Copied Erica. I know. But I couldnt help it. JUST LOOK AT THIS!!!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1123950147

Watch... everyone. I was going to say a specific person, but we all look ridiculous.

Me, Jeff, Hannah, and Staci are just ridiculous.

ahhh stress!
spanish quiz tomorrow, four chapters of catcher to read, physics and precalc homework to do, then math help after school, then swimming, then sprinting to jazz band. i'm out of my house from 7-7. awesome.

but look what i'm doing when i have all these things to do. typical.

i had a great time today after school. we all went to celie and noah's house for the afternoon. me and noah and jeff are going to finish recording an acoustic version of 'stronger.' awesome.

elfyourself.com is the slowest website in the history of the interwebs. i did it earlier, but it didnt finish loading after i had all the faces in place. now i can't even get onto the website. am i doing something wrong, erica?!

peace out, foos.

i'm feeling so alone.
so alone.
i know i'm not. i know there are people willing to listen to me.
but three of them have possible future relationships that they are working on.
two of them have other issues that they need to deal with.
i know my situation is not as important as theirs.
but.
god i wish i was not such a girl.

watching george of the jungle. last night was not a good night. on top of everything else, no one was around/answering their phones. everyone was out, having their own fun. i mean, whatever, i needed a night to rest anyway.
but again, i felt alone. 

just got a new ski jacket. its a four-square jacket with an insulated vest. i like it a lot.
but i'm not allowed to wear it until after christmas because it is going to be a christmas present from my parents. 

hopefully these next few days will get better. with swimming, jazz band, work, school, homework, cymbeline, and everything else going on, it should get my mind off of things.

i've been thinking.

why me?
you know, all the drama, the "backstabbing", everything. why couldnt it all happen to someone else? almost everyone but me seems to lead the perfect life, without anything that i'm going thru screwing it up for them. not to brag, but maybe i'm an alright actor cuz i'm acting 24-7-365 anyway. god, i wish i was like nine tenths of the community.

but thanks to the ... five real people who have helped me through.